tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90464312791230758992024-03-13T02:10:32.830+00:00Dia-Buddies ... a journey through Diabetes Type 2Two widows ... both diagnosed as Type 2, as a direct result of being suddenly widowed. We are going to support each other through this because ... we need the motivation.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-81055971681236707132013-09-08T15:04:00.000+01:002013-09-08T15:04:36.069+01:00stress, loss, moving onit has been along time since i've posted here. i kept waiting on my partner in crime to pop up. she has not. somehow, along the way, she has left me. i have no idea why. un-friended. no responses. no knowledge of what i've done or not done; of what i said or didn't say. no idea. and that's what happens sometimes. in the shuffle of online friendships, you get dumped. you get lost. it is not the first time. it won't be the last. but with this one i became very sad, more cautious, a bit withdrawn. i care deeply about what happens to her. i still do. i wish her the very best. i hope her health is good. i hope her soul is soaring.<br />
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somewhere out there i hope she's standing in the sunlight and feeling it's warmth on her face. eyes closed. arms reaching out. i hope she's healthy and smiling.<br />
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i've been doing well with diabetes. i've lost 40 pounds now. i'm almost skinny. almost. my last checkup showed that my blood pressure is under control and the blood test did not show that i even have diabetes. so i keep up what i'm doing. eating okay though not enough. but that is a money issue. when i can buy food it is the right kind.<br />
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i do still get pneumonia a lot. had the shot. respiratory seems to be the thing that gets to me. i fear i will drown from inside myself. i do everything i can do prevent it from happening. pneumonia shot. check. humidifier every night. check. hot tea. check. vick's vapor rub on the chest. check. child sneezes or coughs in my face. i get it.<br />
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there is stress in living. everyone has it. when you have a condition like diabetes, stress plays a roll. i try to remember to breathe. in. out. slow it down. deep breath in. deep breath out. slow the heart. calm down. this too shall pass and all that. nothing lasts forever. it's a molehill not a mountain. <br />
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easier said than.....<br />
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but i am still out here. alone now it seems. i still do what i am supposed to do to handle my diabetes and blood pressure. my two children love me and want me to be well. that's enough for me. i do sort of have a friend now. it's a work in progress. i am cautious. i don't make rash statements like: she's my friend. i've had too many turn their backs. something about me that makes me easy to leave. so i talk less. listen always. respond when it's expected seems to work. i keep it light. never mention my husband's death. i'm funny. and quiet. did i mention i keep the spotlight on others always? seems to work better than to try and share anything about my own life. i find most people like you better when you let them talk about themselves. i nod. i'm a bobblehead. attentive. it's one-sided, most definitely. but i'm apparently not good enough, or exciting enough for much else. we'll see how it goes.<br />
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anyway, that's it on this front. i may not come back here anymore. it seems pointless without her. we were doing this for each other. support through the hard times. doctor visits. blood tests. but i've done my grief alone. i can do this alone. bottom line, we can only do it for ourselves anyway. we have to care about ourselves enough to matter to ourselves, plus see what our actions do to the few people who do love us.<br />
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i'm doing it for me. for my children. for my two furry doggy companions.<br />
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<i>i miss you, friend. i will think of you as such. friend. it became such that first Christmas Eve 4 years ago when we felt so alone without them. opposite sides of the planet and yet in touch. being there for each other. i hope you are doing well. sayonara. since it must be so.</i>abandonedsoulshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-43313438377068871312012-11-15T12:11:00.001+00:002012-11-15T12:11:24.231+00:00diabetes and being sicki have pneumonia again. so very ill and yet i cannot take a day off from work. i work hourly so if i take a day off, i do not get paid. there has been so much stress at work and it has taken its toll on me physically. even now, i do not know why i am sitting here typing this when i should be getting ready for work. a cold heavy soaking rain is falling outside and my chest feels like a brick is strapped to it. <br />
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rain outside. rain inside. when i try to breathe i feel like i'm drowning.<br />
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and i am not hungry but with diabetes, i need to eat to keep my levels in a certain area.<br />
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i wish i had a friend, but mostly i wish i had him here to help me while i am this sick. the fever is draining. hot tea and toast do not a meal make to head off into the rain for a very busy and stressful day at work.<br />
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just saying.abandonedsoulshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-60683699539567963982012-07-12T13:02:00.000+01:002012-07-12T13:02:37.204+01:00finally a meteri finally have health insurance. i finally have what i need. i finally have a meter to test my blood sugar.<br />
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i've lost close to 30 pounds. my blood pressure is good. but i never knew from day to day how i was doing. now i know.<br />
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i hour after eating i had my first reading at the pharmacy. 143. he said that was wonderful. 2 hours after eating they want me to be below 180.<br />
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this morning, before breakfast, i took a reading. 111. they want me to be below 130.<br />
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i'm doing it. i think i might be doing okay. but it takes a meter to be sure.<br />
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and now i finally have one. a year into this hot mess, i finally can test.abandonedsoulshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-36327261793971815422012-07-05T03:34:00.002+01:002012-07-05T03:34:45.127+01:00A fresh start<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finally, I've decided that I will get a grip with this disease.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've done all the research ... educated myself.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now it's time to "walk the talk".</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I popped in to see my lovely diabetes nurse, Alison ... and we've made an appointment for August 1st to test for:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">cholesterol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">blood pressure</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">cervical smear</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">foot exam</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">blood test</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">urine test</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think that was it ... I am aware that I also need a mammogram and an eye test ... so I'll ask her about those while I'm there.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've not cared for too long. Because I was depressed and had no motivation.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's all well and good ... and understandable, however ... I'm emigrating to Spain this year, and need to get this under control, so that I feel happier and healthier.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alison has intimated that they will give me enough meds for 3 - 6 months to tide me over while I'm settling in to life in Almeria. A great help!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and, I've got my DASH Diet Shopping Lists etc photocopied, ready to take with me, which will help me remember what's good to eat, until it becomes second nature.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now then, where IS my blood glucose monitor? I've located everything but ... and it's key to my success ...</span><br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-89012236715747762072012-06-27T20:22:00.002+01:002012-06-27T20:22:29.549+01:00When monitoring blood sugar levels<a href="http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com/monitoring/blood-sugar/test-blood-glucose/?page=11" target="_blank">read this advice - I had no idea about these simple points that help to ensure more accurate readings</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-16051915522517323742011-07-26T19:13:00.001+01:002011-07-26T19:14:07.941+01:00Diabetes Sugar Myth Storythanks to GI News for this great article:<br /><br /><a href="http://ginews.blogspot.com/2011/05/busting-food-myths-with-nicole-senior.html">http://ginews.blogspot.com/2011/05/busting-food-myths-with-nicole-senior.html</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-26321842612332101212011-07-26T17:20:00.004+01:002011-07-26T17:24:04.727+01:00What to eat? What to buy?Loving Diabetic Living's Supermarket guide today:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com/food-to-eat/nutrition/tips-for-healthy-shopping/?page=1">Aisle by Aisle: What To Buy?</a><br /><br /><a href="http://email.diabeticlivingonline.com/cgi-bin17/DM/t/nCdyS0ckvs60cJS0PE6d0GG&email=3523542443">Shopping Guide</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-54917989807275469582011-07-20T12:06:00.001+01:002011-07-20T12:07:51.455+01:00Update on last postNo longer excited. That 600 calorie diet? It's only for the morbidly obese ...<br /><br />latersUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-17908858235279551462011-07-15T03:41:00.001+01:002011-07-15T12:37:36.610+01:00New research from Diabetes UK - can diet reverse type 2?Very exciting.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.diabetes.org.uk/About_us/News_Landing_Page/Can-diet-alone-reverse-Type-2-diabetes/">Can a very strict and low calorie diet, whilst under medical supervision, reverse type 2? </a><br /><br />An old schoolfriend's uncle did this and no longer has type 2.<br /><br />I think I'll wait for a little more research, then find out if I'm a likely (meaning likely to succeed) candidate for this.<br /><br />600 calories per day sounds like a nightmare to me ... but for a few weeks, it's more than worth it.<br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#990000;">PLEASE NOTE - DO NOT, PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DO THIS AT HOME WITHOUT MEDICAL SUPERVISION!!!</span></strong>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-73677383766598009462011-07-12T16:22:00.004+01:002011-07-12T16:33:25.362+01:00Raising AwarenessI'd like to raise awareness of this disease, because I am certain that my late husband had type II. It's just that it wasn't diagnosed. <br /><br />Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it?<br /><br />But looking back with hindsight, it is now very clear to me today that Cliff had even more symptons than I had. The last one being, "every time I eat, I have this bloated uncomfortable feeling" to which I advised, "you need to go to the doctor's".<br /><br />Oh how I wish I'd known then what I know now ... he'd still be here.<br /><br />Diabetes, coupled with his high blood pressure. He didn't have a chance.<br /><br />If he'd been on the DASH diet, he'd still be here.<br /><br />There are no words for the guilt that I feel.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-12200027889949015282011-06-22T12:15:00.004+01:002011-06-22T12:22:47.268+01:00without health care for diabetes<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">this is how bad </span></span><a href="http://www.wpix.com/wpix-man-robs-bank-health-care,0,2250173.story"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF6600;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">health care</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"> is in the United States.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">as i've written, i do not have health care either. i have to wait on April 2012 to be signed up at work. i have to work there a year. other bridge insurance programs deny me for one of two reasons: i am considered pending at work, or i have a pre-existing condition, the diabetes/high blood pressure. so i get denied.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">if i want health care for this 10 month interim, i would have to pay $350 a month. and then it would kick in after the $5000 deductible.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i can't afford that. and i don't want to go to jail. so i am falling, falling, falling through the cracks.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i am going to have to pay for the class out of pocket. hundreds and hundreds of dollars will rack up over the next 10 months. i can't imagine how much. $400 for an office visit? lab fees? the class?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i sometimes feel like i am circling the drain.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">that's the difference between me and Boo. between not having health care and your government serving it's people.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i wish you peace.</span></span></div>abandonedsoulshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-55264289984180128852011-06-22T11:51:00.005+01:002011-06-22T12:06:07.259+01:00<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EmllT-MA4Jc/TgHMUyzg0RI/AAAAAAAABO8/hKAHf-LPhh8/s1600/diabetic%2Bliving.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5620998467542372626" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 1px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 1px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EmllT-MA4Jc/TgHMUyzg0RI/AAAAAAAABO8/hKAHf-LPhh8/s400/diabetic%2Bliving.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>I really like these mini-slideshows courtesy of <a href="http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com/">Diabetic Living</a>:<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com/food-to-eat/nutrition/power-foods-for-diabetes/?page=1">Power Foods for Diabetics</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com/food-to-eat/nutrition/top-diabetic-snacks/?page=1">Top Diabetic Snacks (USA)</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.diabeticlivingonline.com/food-to-eat/nutrition/grocery-shopping-with-diabetes/">Top tips for grocery shopping</a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-30752127726984434802011-06-19T16:10:00.002+01:002011-06-19T17:30:06.963+01:00Glucophage and B12 deficiency?Great! Better ask for a B12 test next time I see the diabetes Nurse:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.com/articles/oral-medicines/how-much-do-you-know-about-metformin/all/">http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.com/articles/oral-medicines/how-much-do-you-know-about-metformin/all/</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-88920311806558310452011-06-19T15:30:00.004+01:002011-06-19T17:28:54.150+01:00MyPlate for Diabetes on LivestrongI've been doing pretty well with my food, by that I mean I've been behaving.<br /><br />What's helped me? Using the <a href="http://www.livestrong.com/myplate/">Livestrong MyPlate D (Diabetes) tool</a>. It tells me how much sugar, carbohydrate etc I've had and what my targets are. There's even an option to check you're drinking enough water, what your blood sugar levels are, and if you've walked or done other exercise during the day. It might be easier for Susan and I to compare notes there. There's a facility on there to let your friend see your food diary (but not anyone else :-)<br /><br />I'm going to tweak "MyPlateD" so that it is aligned with the DASH eating plan, and ensure that I'm getting enough magnesium and potassium too to get the most out of this free online tracker.<br /><br />And as for managing my stress? Well I've been setting the alarm half an hour earlier than usual, and using that time to sit still and just "be" for ten minutes, eating breakfast before I leave for work (which seems to help my energy and emotional state considerably), and read for 15 minutes. I'm loving this extra time in my day ... it starts me off in a good mood. At work, if something irritates me, I try deep breathing exercises instead of whinging ... and makes me feel like an adult instead of a petulant child. I don't know if this helps me or just makes life more pleasant for my colleagues, LOL ;-)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-5798119898897350222011-06-14T11:32:00.003+01:002011-06-14T11:59:34.744+01:00struggling<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">since learning i have diabetes and high blood pressure, it has been a roller coaster ride of accepting this and doing okay, then tripping over the speed bumps along the way.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i have no health insurance. i started a job back in November of 2010 but i have since learned that i have to work there a year to get on their insurance plan. the next open enrollment will be in April of 2012. i cried when i learned this. i shook in fear. there is a diabetes class that i need to take but it is supposed to be fairly expensive. i am calling the doctor's office today to see just exactly how much.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">right now i am making monthly payments on my first doctor's bill. first time patient with a lab fee and it cost me over $400. that is not a typo. in the United States, medical bills are astronomical. i would like to see a break down of what all that money actually goes towards. centrifuge time? lighting the office? receptionists salary? my percentage of the doctor's salary for those moments i took up his time? i would like to know.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i am struggling with this. i am a picky eater. i do not like certain vegetables. i have a history with food that is not pleasant that stems from my childhood. Boo sent me a book about the DASH diet and i am trying. but it is difficult. there are so many foods that people say are such good foods that i do not like. then there are the foods that one book says are fine while another book or another website says is not.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">for example apples. apples are supposed to be good for you. raw apples. yet i found a something called gluco food picker who puts raw apples down in the 80% of food to eat and only in moderation. plain applesauce with no sugar is best. but try to find that in the grocery store.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">there are a lot of recipes that allow potatoes yet that was the first food item that my doctor said to skip. who is right? the American Diabetes Association or my doctor whom i am paying over $400 to?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">and the taste of sugar free and diet cran grape, which is, or was, my favorite juice. the taste is bland and almost bitter. i used to drink orange juice but i am even afraid of the low sugar stuff. is 10g of sugar in a glass of orange juice too much? how do i keep count of the grams in stuff that does not list grams of sugar, like my last raw apple?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">and nuts. i was told plain peanuts and sunflower seeds were fine, good in fact, as a snack. then the other day i read a source that said these nuts were high in cholesterol. and get this, Pacific cod is best because it is lower in cholesterol than Atlantic cod. apparently the fish in the Atlantic swim through more cholesterol thermoclimes than the ones in the Pacific. so what if i start making sure that i buy only Pacific cod, but then i get the one Atlantic cod who decided to go on an adventure and swam through the Panama Canal and got caught? what if a whole school of Atlantic cod swim around the Horn to have a holiday in the Pacific and get caught and those are the ones i get?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">you could go on this way with: what if the handful of fish they caught and tested to determine that Atlantic cod are higher in cholesterol were really Pacific cod on vacation, and really it is the reverse that is true?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i think i am losing my mind. i need the voice of reason. i need that class.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">what i need is my husband back. he would have laughed at me, then hugged me and we would have figured all this out. and i wouldn't be alone out here without him.</span></span></div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xD9xeNQrO3s/Tfc-vOw1I4I/AAAAAAAAC5E/iwvnP33IYpo/s1600/heart%2Bcloud.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xD9xeNQrO3s/Tfc-vOw1I4I/AAAAAAAAC5E/iwvnP33IYpo/s320/heart%2Bcloud.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5618028041305662338" /></a>abandonedsoulshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-40849989550653287692011-06-08T02:09:00.006+01:002011-06-12T20:02:19.743+01:00Diabetes Week is next week in the UK<a href="http://www.diabetes.org.uk/upload/Get%20involved/Diabetes%20Week%202011/DW2011bannerBlue.gif"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 380px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 135px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.diabetes.org.uk/upload/Get%20involved/Diabetes%20Week%202011/DW2011bannerBlue.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>I just found out that next week is Diabetes Week here in the UK. </div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div>What better day to start as I mean to carry on?</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div>It's a sign.</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>(<a href="http://www.diabetes.org.uk/diabetesweek">Diabetes Week is Diabetes UK’s annual UK-wide awareness and fundraising week. This year Diabetes Week is 12–18 June 2011</a>.)</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-36227248681550398742011-06-04T12:59:00.007+01:002011-06-05T17:37:08.924+01:00introducing susan aka Beach Bunny<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i am susan but my alter ego is Beach Bunny. she used to be real. she used to be me. when he was alive. that's what my husband called me. his Beach Bunny. i used to prowl the rocks and few sand beaches of Rockport, MA looking for treasures washed up by the ocean to build my sculptures that i sold, and to add to my life. treasures that others had tossed aside, or never knew where there. abandonedsouls. that was my artistic moniker. </span></span><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">and then he died. suddenly. it seemed to me, violently. heart attack. i was laying in his arms and he started choking. my CPR failed. the EMT's CPR failed. and then the ER doctor stopped working on him and he was gone. my beautiful Dragon left me behind. </span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">he had promised me he would never leave me, but it seems fate didn't want him to stay. and i have always been one to accept fate. i'm that tree that stands so lonely and isolated out there in the water during a flood. people think, "how strong." but i'm not. my roots are rotting down there. they are drowning in grief and tears, and now, apparently, diabetes and high blood pressure.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">crap. this is all i need right now. i do not have health care as Boo does across the Pond. i am in the United States, land of the free, home of the brave, and a country that charges out your ass for health care. i work but open enrollment for my company's health care isn't until August.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">no one in my family had this so i am flying blind. i am looking things up on the Internet. *laughing* yeah, the Internet, where i could buy plutonium in a heartbeat but i cannot find consistent information on what to eat for both diabetes and high blood pressure. that Venn diagram that has that arc for shared food is small. very small. and i am a picky eater anyway.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">and no one cared. only my two adult children but being a mom never stops. that instinct. "i'll be okay. we'll get it figured out." but i posted on Facebook my fears and worries and you know what? only a handful of the 63 people who had wanted to be my friend there stepped up with sympathy and support. no one. let me say that again. NO ONE that i knew face-to-face, no widow that i had met here in this city commented that we should get together. none of them commented at all. so i deleted them.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">strangers asked. standing in the grocery store in tears over how to truly read an ingredient label? is 10g sugar too much? what does 9% salt really mean? do Cheerios with that big red healthy heart printed on the box have that much salt in them? are you freakin' serious?</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">little boy clerks, even a grocery store manager, have come over to offer to help but they don't know any more about what i can and cannot eat than i do.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EFiNJruzy4k/TeohkjzWyrI/AAAAAAAAC38/hfGTiqOFmXU/s1600/IMG_1221.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5614336797440395954" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EFiNJruzy4k/TeohkjzWyrI/AAAAAAAAC38/hfGTiqOFmXU/s320/IMG_1221.JPG" border="0" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">my son, bless his heart, sent me some money to go to a doctor who will be in my health care plan at work once i can sign on. he was great. nice man. and the lab vampires were funny. i'm waiting on the blood test results. terrified of what they will say. am i dying of some other horrible disease and just haven't been hit with the symptoms? i do not have a blood glucose meter yet, and if i did i would not really know how to use it. my doctor said it could wait until after August when i have health care. there is a class they have where they give out those meters. they will teach me about food. they will teach me about my numbers.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">in the meantime, i am on my own more or less. i cannot afford another visit. he did give me a quick run down. no potoatoes. sweet potatoes are fine.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">what. what? sweet potatoes? do they turn into the bad sugar?</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">no.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">but what about pears or corn?</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">don't eat them until we get a series of your blood glucose numbers.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">okay. and we'll get those after i get on insurance in August.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">right.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">so what do i eat?</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">nice man had to go get my scripts for my diabetes pill and my high blood pressure pill.</span></span></div><br /><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y6Jfrt8_-9E/TeohkLoQwBI/AAAAAAAAC30/oQmrfs0vyAc/s1600/Bunny%2Band%2Bher%2Bblood%2Bpressure%2Bcuff.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5614336790951411730" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-y6Jfrt8_-9E/TeohkLoQwBI/AAAAAAAAC30/oQmrfs0vyAc/s320/Bunny%2Band%2Bher%2Bblood%2Bpressure%2Bcuff.jpg" border="0" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i do have a high blood pressure cuff. managed to buy that. my numbers are good he said. </span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">yeah, butthole, because i don't eat salt. i don't really eat anything.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">Boo did send me the DASH diet plan book and i am going through that trying to find menus that have food i can eat. or that i will eat. i am such a picky eater. i've lost weight. needed to, but i wanted to feel good about it. not terrified. and not so damn hungry all the time.<br /></span></span><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WTAxheD5Qwo/Teohj0PS9fI/AAAAAAAAC3s/mMbl7ZVy_hA/s1600/Angel%2BBunny%2Bpines%2Bfor%2BDragon.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5614336784672683506" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WTAxheD5Qwo/Teohj0PS9fI/AAAAAAAAC3s/mMbl7ZVy_hA/s320/Angel%2BBunny%2Bpines%2Bfor%2BDragon.jpg" border="0" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i need my Dragon of a husband back. i need him to cook for me. i can't cook for nothing. everyone has told me that. well, not my Dragon. he said i did great in the kitchen. and that's my life. the first person who likes the way i cook and he dies.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">not sure if i am going to make it. </span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">his death. diabetes. high blood pressure. worried children. waiting on health care. waiting on the VA stipend each month. working so hard. exhausted and frustrated and scared and feeling abandoned by widows who had said, "we 'get it.' we are there for you, sister." bullshit are you there for me. and they probably don't even know i've deleted them. until they come looking for free sewing, free writing, free something. Beach Bunny doesn't live there anymore. or something like that.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">Boo is helping me more than she knows by simply being there. being there is huge for me. only my kids and my Dragon were ever there for me.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">i think there is a film titled "Being There" and Peter Sellers plays Boo. =0)</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">anyway, that's me. that's how i write. that stuff up there. it's like i imagine you know me and i just start talking. and photos of my Bunny will be interspersed through my postings. i believe in visual aides.</span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></span></div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">peace to all who read. peace and light to all who grieve. and for those with high blood pressure and diabetes? just try to breathe. in. out. in. out. one breath at a time.</span></span></div><br /><div></div>abandonedsoulshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9046431279123075899.post-54792930422815093412011-06-01T19:45:00.015+01:002011-06-12T20:00:36.009+01:00Introducing BooI was diagnosed with Diabetes Type II a year ago after I passed out in the bathroom at work. My blood sugars were at 30. Three different doctors told me that I became diabetic as a direct result of the shock of losing my husband suddenly. I was 44 when Cliff died two and a half years ago ... and had been presenting <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">symptoms</span> of diabetes, however, the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">symptoms</span> were assumed (by myself, peers, family <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">et</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">al</span>) to be caused by grief and loss. They are quite similar. Anxious, over-tired, emotional, sleeping too much or too little, living on cookies and "fat" Coke for quick energy fixes, weight loss, hard to focus, confused ...<br /><br />At the time, in my widow-brain (a year and a bit after Cliff died), I was actually happy at receiving this diagnosis, because I thought it proved that I loved and missed him enough. That my body had changed - an actual physiological change because I was so affected by my love, his death, losing him. That's pretty twisted, huh? A month after being diagnosed I spent a month in Australia visiting old school-friends and family in Sydney, Adelaide and Brisbane. I controlled my sugars really really well - the food there is yummy and ... it was put in front of me ... I had a break from home (the alone-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ness</span> and the grief too), no painful reminders at each turn, all brand sparkling new. I howled when I lit a candle for him in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Uluru</span>, when I first drank in the sight of the Blue Mountains, and when I saw my old friend Geoff, on the flight there and back, and a few gentle tears some bedtimes would just trickle down my face, left <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">un</span>-wiped ... but mostly ... I had a break from work, worry, pain and grief ... and had sunshine, rest, soul time. I came home refreshed, revitalized and positive. I knew there was life out there for me ... to find I'd been burgled (the second time, under the watch of supposed friends) and it just brought me to my knees. In a split second. And the ripples of that effect have just started to completely disappear. One year and one month later. I couldn't take it. They set me right back. They undid £7k spent (not regretted either) and a month out of work. They undid it all. And I've literally just picked myself up off the floor. A week ago. I know I am responsible for how I react to other's actions ... but please remember I am half insane with grief, therefore not that rational ... at least I certainly wasn't then. I am not bitter. Not at all. I know they are worlds apart from me and my people ... so I live and learn. I'm sure one day they'll know fear and vulnerability, maybe not quite the same as I did ... but close enough ...<br /><br />Today, I understand that I don't need this disease as a badge of honour. I don't need to prove my love. He knew. If anything, my husband would be heart-broken at how I have physically altered.<br /><br />Today, I am exhausted and depressed. Depression brought on by losing my soul mate, depression at having no support network where I live. Depression at finding some friends weren't helping me ... they were helping themselves (there was another friend who abused my vulnerability too), which has made me feel as though I have to question people's motives constantly - not a healthy place to be in. I'm so well protected albeit from a distance, that it would be hard to take advantage now, but this is the long-lasting result of their behaviour. Finding it hard to cope with constant deadlines at work and balancing my grief and diabetes on top. Physically, oh where do I start? My teeth have decayed beyond belief, I am skinny (I resemble a heroin addict and my once lovely cleavage and boobs have almost disappeared), sometimes I sweat when I eat, and I have a tingling/numbness in my feet if I stand still for a long time ... my fingernails are curling (could indicate liver/heart/respiratory problems) and I become anxious far too easily ... a world away from the person I was 30 months ago. Back then (end of 2008) I'd been awarded the highest rating at my year end review (out of a department of 138 people) a month before Cliff died. Today, I'm on unstable ground because I've got too much to do, I find it hard to ask for help (it's part of my DNA), and I'm treading water vs. delivering at a high standard consistently. I feel adrift at home ... at work ... at controlling Diabetes ... spiritually, every level.<br /><br />Recently, I almost burned out. My workload is untenable yet I kept trying to fill the gap between what I was doing and what I THOUGHT I should be delivering (which happened to be whatever was given to me) ... and of course without any hope of getting through it all. Blindly, I persevered ... working till 10p.m. ... sometimes midnight. Snatching sleep, then repeating ad <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">nauseum</span> (and I just discovered lack of sleep affects blood sugar levels). I got more and more despondent, the more I tried, the more I failed, the more <em>down</em> I went, the more tired I got ... and looking back at my behaviour objectively and with hindsight ... it is clear that I was also "filling my hours" and escaping the reality of my life without my husband. But in my defense, I kept on because of a loyalty to the company that has been so supportive to me in my loss, and I felt so strongly that if I could get one, <em>just one part of my life in order</em>, I could cope ... physically, mentally, emotionally. Added to the mix was the fact that diabetes, an unrealistic workload and grief (or even running away from grief) are all tiring ... not to mention our home and garden is a project left unexpectedly unfinished by my beautiful and talented husband, who could do anything, absolutely anything to do with building houses. The house is a project, half finished in parts, impossible to clean, now an issue to me because parts have laid untouched for so long ... that I fear the spiders hiding in those rooms. And I have a real phobia of spiders ... my ears literally ring when I am confronted by one. Clammy, heart races, the works. It's all <strong>beyond</strong> exhausting ... and these issues are all dark heavy things to carry especially at the same time. One at a time (not counting Cliff dying, clearly) ... I could have coped with. With no energy you grab what you can eat, even if all you can find in the office at 10 p.m. is a <em>Kit-Kat</em>. And you're too tired to bother testing your blood. You're far too busy and important, so you cancel your Diabetes Nurse appointment. Then you wobble on that line of being too busy ...<br /><br />vs. ......................... not giving a flying<br /><br /><br /><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5614290941781178066" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 74px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 18px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kUekoAV4B9s/Ten33aKPdtI/AAAAAAAABMA/HrnDLNurPI4/s400/fcuk.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />All three issues were feeding each other in a vicious circle. And I was the pilot in control of that spinning spaceship ... descending and twirling like a hamster on a wheel, but not fixed to anything ... spinning spinning spinning ... out of control ... and heading for earth. Brace, Brace, Brace for impact. I just couldn't see it. But I knew there was something very wrong and that I was in trouble. I visit my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">BFF</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">BMF</span> each Friday night ... and that is my only human contact (socially) worsened for months as ... I wasn't really speaking to anyone at work ... yep, I was far too busy to stop and chat or <strong>laugh</strong> even. My line manager despaired and was worried out of her mind. In the end she marched me up to HR to threaten me with disciplinary action if I worked extra hours. And my thoughts at the time were ... <em>I am working so so so hard ... why are you punishing me with a threat of HR policies</em>. Like I said ... I listened, but I couldn't hear her. Far too busy heading for a crash landing. Then I got ill ... never good with diabetes ... went to Doctor and cried. Talked for an hour with him (sorry to other patients in waiting room). And we analyzed my behaviour. I came so close. So close. Very very close shave. My very intuitive clever Doctor also imparted further wisdom about diabetes ... it can affect your <strong>memory</strong>. <strong>Loss</strong>. To be precise. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">OMG</span>, that was a real kick up the arse ... I mean that's all I really really cherish in a purely selfish & self-absorbed way ... my memories of us, of him. I remember so so much, words said verbatim, facial expressions, the details ... oh, I can recall 15 happy years almost on demand, delving through the data banks in my head (the head that used to reside happily and with confidence in <em><strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">lala</span>-land</strong></em>). If I lost that, well, then I'd just say, "bring it on". And go on a clubbing, drinking, no sleep binge till I went. Yep, if my house caught fire, I'd get out my dogs first, my photos, Cliff's ashes (how ironic is that? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">LOL</span>) and my own head full of memories. Nothing else in my little world - in this house that is - matters. Money doesn't mean jack to me. Never has. However, I was privileged to have a father AND a husband who both happened to be very good at cultivating a money-tree(s). So I suppose it's easy for me to say that.<br /><br />I'm at the <em>Tipping Point</em> right now ... I need to control this before it's too late. Susan being diagnosed was my wake up call in a way. Susan found out she had Type 2 and high blood pressure (which I'm also prone to getting when I've overdone it) and was so overwhelmed by the news, alone ... that I started sending her information that was clear and concise so that she could digest that before she attempted to digest actual food. And started laughing at myself. Cliff was right. Again. No good whatsoever at helping myself, looking after myself, protecting myself. But a friend? Oh that's different. And I figured, well ... if I'm amassing all this information, I may as well apply it to myself too ... because, to be brutally honest, I'm no longer afraid of death, BUT I am <strong>very</strong> scared of losing my eyesight or a foot. Due to not really wanting to be here for the past couple of years ... I haven't really cared about my glucose levels ... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">hmmm</span> when did I last measure my blood sugars? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Hmmm</span>? So, I realized that I had to make a choice. <strong>Life</strong> or lie down and <strong>die</strong> (slowly). Finally.<br /></p><br /><br /><br /><p>I choose life.</p><br /><br /><br /><p><br />I choose to never give up. That's what he taught me ... to honour him I choose to follow his values and core beliefs ... still. He'd understand if I didn't, yet I know ... to be happy with myself, I have to make him proud. And there's that little matter of me making him a <strong>promise</strong> minutes before he died ... that I would be okay, that it was alright for him to go, that he needn't worry about me. I promised him. And have yet to deliver on that vow. I cannot break that promise.<br /><br />So, here I am. This is my story of battling Diabetes along with my friend Susan - my <em><strong><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Dia</span>-Buddy. </strong></em>We are going to cheer each other on, share tips and compare notes about all aspects of this beast ... and check that we're eating properly, check we've walked our dogs ... and check we're hitting our cholesterol and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">BP</span> targets too. We are going to control IT. IT is not going to control us. Believe me, people have tried to control me ... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">LOL</span> ... my father was quite a formidable presence, and he never managed. So some sugar floating round in my blood isn't going to beat me. It has NO IDEA. Really.<br /><br />Having done a lot of research online and elsewhere, we're embarking on the DASH diet, which is said to be very good for controlling cholesterol, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">BP</span> and blood glucose levels. We'll be sharing notes about this, and other relevant advice we find online, tweaking the diet so it's really fine-tuned for Diabetes.<br /><br />BTW, this is a very long post, simply to give you some background, to share what's going on in my head, in my heart and in my world (my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">lala</span>-land ;-), it's a<br /><br /></p><br /><br /><br /><p align="left"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5614292005940854466" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 169px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 205px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tlsfZ3Bx8BE/Ten41WdrfsI/AAAAAAAABMI/TQfg4eB6KDQ/s400/getting%2Bto%2Bknow%2Byou.jpg" border="0" /></p><br /><em>getting to know you, getting to know all about you</em> piece.<br /><br />Future posts will be fairly succinct and informative, perhaps reflective ... observational where behaviours are addressed <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">LOL</span>. But not rambling long <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">yada</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">yada</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">yada</span> posts like this one.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p>I promise.</p>And I don't break my promises ...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2